As the world falls down
by gottaluvme28
Summary: Bella believes no one can have a sadder story than her she feels shes alone in the world...can one boy change her pov on life up side down CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS...All human ...rated M for future chapters
1. My life

OK I REALIZED THAT THE WAY I PLANNED ON WRITING THE STORY DIDNT GO WELL WITH HOW I WROTE THE ENDING SO IM REPOSTING IT SO IT MAKES SINCE IN THE END FOR HOW I WANT IT HALF OF ITS NEW BTW BUT I ADDED SOME STUFF IN EACH CHAPTER.

Bella's pov

I stare blankly Into the bathroom mirror and i can hardly recognize myself anymore. I gaze upon the battered girl in the mirror; the lacerations are heavily visible around the eyes,some fading away seeing as they were old. Like i said i didn't recognize the girl. Ive always seen a girl with a nice complexion and who had a reason to smile, this girl has the sense of ending. I had everything a normal 16 year old girl could have at one point: best friends and a life. I didnt tell nobody at first when the voices started at first they came in whispers then as time grew on they would tell me no one loved me, kill my self,etc. Iam alone..i have no one..simple as that. It became hard when i could no longer tell the difference between real and not real objects.

Hi im Bella swan and i have schizophrenia...welcome to my world.

What can i say about my life im an honor student well was, i have a job well had,and i make straight A's or did. Well i guess you can say that all went downhill when My illness became known when i turned 17 and after I had my first episode it set all the events in my future in motion...

_FLASHBACK_

I heard the door open to the store open and someone walk in. "Hi welcome to Newton's" i said trying to put on a cheerful tone. My register was right next to the door but my back was turned to the door so eventually the customer would have to pass me but i didn't see anyone so I turned to continue cleaning my area but when i turned i saw a grotesque face , the face looked decayed like it had been buried for years.

I jumped into the glass case filled with with cigarettes and candy and landed with my back against on the floor. When i opened my eyes i see A tall, black, crouching creature hissed at me. It walked around to the my left side and I could see red stripes from its spine to it's rib cage. By then I was screaming and crying. As soon as it reached out and grabbed my arm, I realized it was just Mrs. Newton.

When i got up i saw my arm had a huge gash on it from the glass and that everyone in the store was looking at me like i had lost my mind. The whispers started,it got over whelming, the whispers got louder and louder "You're alone," an insidious voice told me. "You're going to get what's coming to you"."They all know,just look at them they can see past the mask you put on." After that i bolted for the door and started wandering the streets. It got worst after i left because i kept seeing people who was pale and looked like they've been in water. It was all too much;eventually after a few hours my parents found me walking home in the rain. I got in the car drenched with rain water.

"Isabella Marie Swan what the hell was that at the store.I mean we have people calling us freaking out because they said you had a-a-a look I don't even know what to call it but im glad I wasn't there to witness it." My mom all but screamed at me how embarresed she was that everybody saw my episode.

"Wow thanks mom im peachy a little wet but I mean I just got a huge gash on my arm but besides that im fine how was your day dad." My mom looked at me with a appalled look on her face. Sarcasm was heavy in my voice.

"Charlie aren't you going to say anything?" And yet she keeps pushing this. "Rene im just glad we found her and she's home safe...we'll discuss that at another time tonight but her safe is all that matters." I smiled inside at my dad but all I could here is my mom huff and puff.

_look at you all helpless. your parents don't even love you think all you want Isabella._

The voices kept echoing in my head all at once then I saw my dad turn around and say what they were saying then it was my mom it just kept going on and on till finally I couldn't deal with it..."Shut the fuck up! shut up shut up shut up shut up!" The car did a immediate stop and the voices went away.

"Bella are you okay!" Dad asked frantically. "They won't go away they wont." I just kept mumbling. After awhile my mom just told my dad to drive.

The ride home was very awkward and cold I swear I could've been blue by the time I got home. I immediately went to my room and showered but I went to the top of the stairs and heard them talking.

"Charlie you heard her in the car...think of the people in the town, what would they say." Mom was easily embarrassed and I highly doubt she wouldn't go outside for a long while.

"Rene she's our daughter and I don't care what people have to say-" He broke mid sentence "Charlie we can't give her the attention she needs ,she needs help." And with no response from my dad I already know what the answer was.

-AFD-

After all that i find myself in the back of my parents car being driven to a place with people with similar needs and problems. They really thought i was stupid i knew from the look on their faces and the suitcases in the car that im going to the nut house. As we approach this big prison looking building I only saw one thing this place would bring me: Loneliness. As i got out my father helped me out and hugged me comfortingly. I looked up and looked at a window where a boy,could be my age,looking down at me. As quick as i saw him he went away.

I was brought into a big lobby it was like a average hospital lobby. When we approached the desk my parents talked to the red haired woman named Emily, i paid no attention, So i went to go sit down in one of the cushioned chairs.

"Hi." I heard a voice say. I looked and see a tan hand extended "I'm Jacob." He had short black hair and a killer smile. As I observed him he looked slightly muscular. When he came to shake my hand his long sleeved shirt revealed something: a multiple of them.

I looked away pretending i didn't see it.

"Its fine you don't have to pretend you didn't see it most people do. I did it and I got to live with them" I saw his face was blank and non remorseful so i guessed he heard this before.

"Im Bella by the way."I shook his hand and he returned his killer smile.

"So are you staying here?" I looked at him weather or not i wanna tell him the truth. I mean was it obvious that I was crazy?

"Is it obvious?" He laughed and shook his head "No not really, but all the pretty girls seem to stay here." I blush and laugh "I don't see any." He looked at me and I thought I saw a twinkle "I do." once again I blush.

"Ok so pick one suicidal, depression, or just looking to get out the house?" He asked putting his hands behind his head.

"Im a schiz." He nodded and laughed "I'm sorry for laughing but i think its cool to be able to see things and shit."

"Yea no everything i see is death and the voices comes and goes but its no picnic." We sat there and talked like old friends while my parents filled out whatever forms they needed. They kept looking this way occasionally when i would laugh or talk back. This is the first time i laughed in a long time really since ive been diagnosed.

"Are those your parents?"I nodded "Sorry if they keep looking this way probably just keeping an eye on me." My dad got up to hand in the forms then came over to talk.

"Bella we're done with all the signing lets get ready for the doctor to escort us to your room." I nodded. "Dad this is Jacob, Jake this is my dad." Jake held out his hand but it stayed there while my father looked at him then at me . "Nice to meet you Jacob." My dad Grumbled.

"Bye Jacob well see ya later if possible." I waved.

"See ya later Bella." With that he got up and walked away.

"Looks like i made a new friend." I laughed and looked at dad "That's nice Bells looks like you're gonna like it here." I went through the double doors and they gave me a garbage bag and some sweats and a blue shirt along with slippers. After i discarded my clothes in the bag along with all my items we went back into the rooms, where i'll be staying.

After they showed me to my room,the cold grey room with a small bed and a window, My parents said their sorrowful goodbyes and how they were gonna visit me on visitor days. I was prepared to spend my days here until they see fit to let me out but it hurt that my own parents just dropped me here but i guess its for the better.

"Bella my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen and this is nurse Esme Platt. We'll start with talking tomorrow but i just wanted to formally introduce myself and we want to start you on the medication today." He was a fair man with blonde hair looked about 30ish while Esme looked to be in her late 20's with honey colored hair.

"Whats the meds do?" I was not gonna be drugged up sitting up in my room all day drooling looking out the window.

"They just help with the symptoms to your condition." I nodded and took them.

"Now your able to walk to the great room where you can meet everyone and get acquainted with the place." I followed him to a big white room with chairs and a small tv in the background quite music played.

It was soft and peaceful. I wonder do they play Claire de Lune or Debussy.I wandered to the tv area and saw a old show of i love lucy played, the volume was off so whats the point of watching it. The book area looked abandoned so i went and read a book. Luckily they had my favorite book Withering heights. At the corner of my eye i saw people wandering around and one dude was even clapping in the corner. This was truly the nut house.

I was 20 minutes in when I saw movement in my side vision I turned and looked back slowly only to meet a pair of piercing green eyes looking dead at me.

WELL HERE WE GO DONT FORGET TO PASS THE STORY ON AND COMMENT THE WAY I WROTE THE STORY WAS BEFORE THE FLASHBACK IN THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER WAS REALITY SO DURING THE WHOLE STORY SHE'S REMEMBERING AND TELLING HER STORY SO WHEN IT SAYS FLASHBACK IN THE OTHER CHAPTERS ITS REALLY A FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK.


	2. crazy or not

I stared at the boy as he stared at me; then i suddenly started to blush and turn away. "Don't." He spoke with such softness, nervousness almost. I turned and saw his face, it was filled with hurt yet his eyes were filled with hope. " I don't mean to stare it's just... I've never seen anybody here before" The boy looked down for a minute then met my eyes. "Well it's peaceful and they have some good books." I felt this electric pull towards him like i was drawn to him like a stupid lamb to her masochistic lion.I sat back in my seat and continued reading. I still can feel the gaze of the boy on my back,it was slightly comforting but disturbing.

Frightened almost by this interaction i left the area never looking back, no one has ever looked at me that way before. I wandered aimlessly around the facility;looking for something to do. I stopped a nurse and asked where Dr. Carlisle's office was, i guess what batter day to talk about my problems than today. Once i found the door i knocked and waited to be called to enter. "Come in." I wandered in with a smile and he returned it. "Ahh Isabella,what can i do for you today. Find everything ok?"

"It's just Bella but um- its ok i guess i mean im in a nut house what do you want me to say." He looked down and laughed at the stereotypical name i just gave. "But i mean i can talk today,since i have nothing else to do." He sighed and gestured me towards the chair in front of him.

"So Is- Bella tell me a little about yourself." I looked down and started to fidget with my fingers. "Well there's nothing really to tell besides that im a only child and that im crazy." I laughed softly. Carlisle wrote things down in his pad and continued to nod his head.

"Why do you call yourself crazy?" Was this guy serious? "Wouldn't you use the expression "crazy" if you saw and heard things?"

"I suppose if i didn't have a degree and knew that nothing's actually crazy." I saluted my two fingers to him as if to say "exactly".

"What do you normally see?" I thought about what I was going to say. Shall I say the devil, my dead grandmother or just shadows talking or deranged animals. Or we could talk about the most fun one I just love seeing: Humans that aren't really there.

"Well I see a lot but the thing that bothers me is seeing things and not being able to tell I its real, like I can be talking to a hallucination right now and wouldn't even know it." He continued writing his pad and nodding.

"Do you think im a hallucination?" I shook my head no and just sighed.

"Why are you so sad?" The question struck me as head on. " I guess im sad because well for multiple reasons like I've never had a boyfriend, im not loved, im crazy, my parents dropped me here, I have no friends, I feel my story Is probably the saddest one. Take your pick." sighed.

"What would you do if you did meet someone who's story is worse than yours?"

"Well then I guess he wont run for the hills and we are meant to be or something but like I said I don't have a soulmate or anyone so that's impossible."

The next few questions were generally about me and my life. I guess this wasn't an entirely waste of my time, he didn't seem like he judged me.

"Alright Bella i think that's it with this session, glad we got the whole thing out the way. Im here whenever you need me, think of me as a friend." I cringed at the word.

"I don't have friends, never would and never will. No one cares about me in this world, im all ive got." He sighed. "I guess we will discuss that next time." I walked out and thought that whole thing over.

" I'm Edward." I jumped from being frightened. "O im sorry i thought you heard me and besides i didn't get a chance to introduce myself earlier."

"How long have you been standing there?" I mean i just got out of the office and i didn't hear anybody. "Well i guess the real question is How long have you been standing here because ive seen you just stand here for a good 2 minutes." Creepy or not.

" touche ,I'm Bella." I smiled with hoping he returned the favor,he gave me a crooked smile. Why did i feel this much attraction to this one person? Of course he looked like a Greek god but that's about it.

_look away he knows about you. what can you do for him, your worthless?_ The voices started "Shut up" I mumbled probably a little too loud since he looked at me.

"Excuse me." I looked stunned did he really just hear me?.

" huh,nothing i didn't say anything." I played it off. Out of all the times for the voices it had to be right now. Voices usually meant a episode was gonna happen and i really don't want one right now.

"Are you usually this sad?" He looked at me while we were walking back to the great room and i faked smiled did i actually look this miserable? "No i was just processing the stuff for today."I kept my eyes straight refusing to meet his gaze. I saw from the corner of my eye that he started to close the gap between us and walk closer. We stopped and I looked up wary, he held up his hands in defense that he meant no harm so he continued. He put his hand on my cheek and caressed it with his thumb " Someone this beautiful shouldn't be in a place like this and sad a day in her life." I blushed and looked down from his gaze which was intense and fierce.

"Do you wanna hear a joke to cheer you up?" I sighed and nodded ayy i have to give him points for trying.

"Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick.  
Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being. But, the guys didn't care because they knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money. The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said. All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said "A buffet!"

I busted out laughing "What kind of joke is that? Who told you that?" He shrugged and smiled a crooked smile, my heart melted." My friend Demetri told me it and i guess i just remembered it." I tried to hide my smile. "Please don't hide that smile, i like your smile."

Grinning at the ground i looked up and seen his face. I backed up abruptly which made me fall and land on my back. He was making a gurgling sound as if he was calling my name under water. His eyes rolled back and bugs crawled everywhere around him. I was shaking my head and trying not to scream out loud but the realness was too much.

"Bella!Bella!" I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me frightened. "O my god im so sorry." I quickly walked away from him and ran to my room. I slammed the door and cried. I hate not being normal. I'm a freak that's what i am. No wonder my parents didn't want me anymore.

_"put your finger in the plug...do it!do it!" "_

_"jump out the window"._

_"do what i say or i'll kill myself"_

_"Worthless."_

_"_SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP." I screamed and was tugging at my hair. All i remember is the people in white coming through the door and sticking a needle in my arm then everything went black. The darkness was my friend, it was my place to escape.

When i woke i saw Dr. Cullen in front of me "Ah you're awake." How long have i been out?

"What happened?" He wrote something on his pad. "You had a episode Isabella,you were becoming a danger to yourself." I started to describe what i saw on Edward's Face.

"It wasn't real your type of disease cant tell whats real and whats not remember? I shouldn't have let you out this early." He was speaking to me as if i was a dog who had an accident on the rug. I just laid there in my small bed and looked away. I finally relaxed when i heard my door shut.

"Bella are you ok?" I turned to see Edward standing in the corner of my room.

"How did you get in here?" He shrugged " I have my ways.". Ways i honestly didn't wanna know about.

" I'm fine it happens sometimes." I sat up to wipe my face. " Im sorry." I looked at him astonished.

"What are you sorry for?" He shook his head "I'm sorry for what you're going through."

I shrugged and remembered what Jacob said "Its OK i mean a guy i met um Jacob said he would trade it for what he has." I could've sworn i saw him grit his teeth when i mentioned Jacob.

"I should go." He turned to leave " Wait, please don't go i really don't want to be alone stay for a few more minutes i mean it is lights out right?"He walked over and sat on the bed. I laid my head on his chest and tried to go to sleep.

How did I grow so close to one guy in a very short amount of time? What made him so special?


	3. another day

BELLA'S POV

I never did fall asleep immediately; actually i stayed there and talked to Edward for a while, i learned he liked classical music, which was interesting because so did i. "Do you have anybody visiting you today?" He shook his head "No one comes to visit me anymore." I ended the conversation with that. "But aren't your parents visiting?" I looked up at him and looked down "Yea i guess my parents are going to come in today." I shrugged my shoulders as it if it didn't matter to me if they did...but it did.

"What's your story?" His green eyes looked at me with hazy eyes while i looked at him with confusion. How can one boy who i just met have such effect on me and make me question this be real?

"What you mean?" He laughed and ran his hand through his already wild hair. "I mean tell me about yourself ,your life story?"

"What's there to tell I mean, Im 17 years old I was diagnosed with schizophrenia a month ago, I don't have any brothers or sisters nor friends. Im really a boring person. What about you?" He rubbed his hand through his already messed up hair but it was cute.

"I feel there's no reason for me to live anymore i mean my mom Elizabeth committed me about a year ago after she and my dad found me in the bathroom with a razor in the process of slitting my wrists. I had everything a normal 16 year old boy could have at one point: best friends, parents who loved me, and a girlfriend." I think I kind of gritted my teeth over that girlfriend part.

"I have no one." He finished and I realized he was just like me too. We both felt this way. I continued to stare at him but he just looked away. We got up to go for breakfast when the designated bell rung. While we walked it was a heavy silence it was as if we both had something to say to each other.

"Edward im sure your parents love you very much." I said once we sat down at the table and I started to eat my dry oatmeal. Hell I didn't even believe I said that.

"If only the shit was true. Those fuckers threw me in here the first chance they got. No sit down and talk, they pulled up to the building, handed me papers they already signed, handed me my bags and drove off saying they'll see me first day of visiting." I wanted to cry honestly but I tried to hold it in. I blinked a few times "What about siblings?"

"I had 2 little brothers:Emmett and Seth. Emmett and Seth were twins." He spoke robotically.

"Edward you do realize you are speaking past tense." Really idiot as if he didn't know. Way to go Bella, you barely know the man and you want him to go further into his past.

"Their dead. Seth died at 4 and Emmett at 6." His eyes were gone. Almost as if he lost all life and he was waiting to die. WOW Bella nice going do you see where your curiosity gets you. I dropped my spoon and went to go to touch his hand.

"... Seth was in a car accident two years ago and Emmett drowned in a pond 2 years ago, death follows me everywhere." I looked up at him as he continued and a tear hit the table. After he finished he started to hum Mozart. As he hummed his eyes were lifeless I guess this was his coping mechanism.

"Edward you didn't have to continue. I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked I mean I barely know you." I rubbed my eyes and sniffled. A nurse came up to me and asked if I was alright. I told her yes and she walked away.

"Isabella swan?" I looked over to the nurse and she smiled. "Your parents are here." I looked towards Edward and he was still in his trance.

"Edward im going to go talk to my parents now can you go to my room and I'll meet you there when Im finished ok don't get caught." I faked laughed and still nothing.

I walked through the doors to the visiting area and I see my dad and mom. They both had smiles but my dad seemed more genuine then mom's. "Hey guys." I sat down and smiled.

"So how's it going Bells?" Mom looked uncomfortable here but she stayed quite.

"Its fine Dad im adjusting I met two people here Edward and you already met Jake." I scanned the room and saw him outside the door and waved.

"Mom there's Jake he's waving to you guys." Both my parents looked to the door and my dad had same expression while my mom busted out crying.

"Mom was it?" She continued crying. My dad put a hand on her back and consoled her.

"Just a minute Bells." I look over and see my parents whispering about something and then my mom leaves but my dad stays.

"Sorry your mom couldn't stand seeing you in here." I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

"Dad we both know she's the reason why im in here but believe what you want to believe." The visit was actually very brief but it was better than nothing. Dad did promise to see my next time I hoped he stuck to his promise.

I went straight to my room and hoped Edward would be there and he was sitting on my bed waiting."Days don't go by when i don't think about my best friends and how their life was over before it could start." I sighed and rubbed my face.

"Edward you don't have to keep doing this ok im sorry for asking you too many questions I've learned my lesson." He looked over at me his eyes wild like an animal almost if his eyes turned a shade of jade green.

"Im not telling you this to teach you anything im telling you this because I want to." I took his hand and yet again felt the spark.

"Then why do you want to because I barely know you." He put both hands on my cheek and looked me in my eyes.

"When I saw you from the window you looked lost but then Finally you looked up and met my eyes and for the first time since i been here i saw...hope. I didn't want to bother getting myself worked up with "hope" like i said Death follows me everywhere and it was only amount of time when he came to collect my soul. But im feeling sort of strange and its warm." He looked down at my lips then back to my eyes then I closed my eyes...

HOPED YOU LIKED IT IM SORRY IVE BEEN HEAVILY BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND IM ON BREAK SO I FOUND TIME


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